Tension in Place of Balance; A More Hopeful and Useful Paradigm

Leaders everywhere commonly talk about the need for balance. Specifically, in my work with leaders across all countries and industries, one goal is routinely discussed; how to balance life and work. As a result, companies across the globe are wanting leaders to achieve this balance as they know satisfied and happy leaders are more productive and motivated when this balance is secured and are then in a better position to help employees do the same. While this work / life balance is one I hear most often, there are still other needs also requiring balance. I hear leaders express the need to balance input from others with making decisions they think are right. They need to balance reflection time with the execution of ideas and strategies.

When I hear this common goal to balance numerous areas of life, I often ask, what does balance in work and life look like? or, how will you know when you have achieved balance? This question I ask is a hard one, for many, to answer. The answer I am told is balance is hard to imagine. I am also told, they have no idea what balance looks like. Interesting that when something is so sought out and searched for, few can describe what it looks like when achieved. It is not surprising this creates uncertainty and confusion. The concept of what to give up in one area to create space in an equal amount in another area presents numerous challenges.

When I work with others, gaining an understanding of their world is critical for our work together. It is important I understand what they mean when they use the words they do. And because I am a person that believes words have meaning, gaining understanding, achieving a new insight into their thinking, and developing an accurate sense of empathy comes from words they use. So, it is normal for me to want to know what is meant when they use the word balance.

Balance = a state in which opposing forces harmonize. In relation then to work and life, I wonder if balance is a state in which opposing forces harmonize can ever be achieved. In other words, what is the harmony between work and life that makes the perfect rhythm? Is that even a reasonable goal to strive and reach for? Since life and work are so intricate, interconnected, and multi-faceted with layers of competing demands, is this the reason that most find describing balance next to impossible, let alone knowing how to achieve it.

Ionos, November 2022 says,

         One common criticism views the work-life balance as a myth. It is an ideal situation that is practically unachievable because life is unfortunately not so easy to plan. The concept ignores the chaotic nature of life, which simply cannot be brought under control by careful planning. Additionally, the model ignores important skills such as adaptability and improvisation. At the same time, it tries to prescribe people a “life management” concept that is essentially impossible in this form. Ironically, too much stringent life planning can often add even more stress to any situation.

I couldn’t agree more with that quote. In today’s chaotic nature of life, I think a far more effective term adequately translating into something achievable is tension. Tension = to hold in a state between two or more forces, which act in opposition to each other. I believe this term more accurately acknowledges the interconnectedness and importance of both work and life.

This concept of tension vs balance is a word that provides a reframe to this question of bringing peace, harmony, and a steady state to life and work when life and work seem out of control and when our decision-making is impaired with subjectivity. Tension management, which allows for adaptability, spontaneity, and the freedom to choose is a more effective way to think about this complex request. When these two very critical components (life and work) of living come together in the form of tension, then how to shape and define how we spend time, resources, and energy gives hope to the chaos. Additionally, when thinking through how to manage the tension, like setting reasonable goals to alleviate tension, this leads to greater and more hopeful possibilities than trying to achieve some level of balance. Here the management of tension creates opportunities for individuals to decide how and what needs to change when considering the nuances each person faces from their unique career and life challenges.

Tension exists in numerous areas of our life today. Supporting others to acknowledge this tension is the beginning. Then supporting them to develop achievable goals to manage this tension is the next step. When people can determine for themselves where the tension is too great, and then what needs to change for the tension to be acceptable, they are better inclined to love the life they seek, they are able to describe it, know when they’ve reached it, and know what they did that got them there.