The Day I Was Laid Off
It was a normal Tuesday in February. The sun was warm but there remained a chill in the air. It was a normal Tuesday as I approached a typical workday; reviewing the day’s meetings and goals to achieve. And it was a normal Tuesday as I attended my first meeting of the day participating as I would normally; engaging with the others with interpersonal ease and comfort sharing my opinion about the topic. It was a normal Tuesday, until it wasn’t.
Shortly after 9am I received an IM from our VP requesting an immediate meeting. As I allowed the person talking to finish so I could exit the meeting respectfully, several thoughts popped into my mind as fast and as seamless as the Teams message I had just received. Given our organization is going through a massive transformation journey, highly anticipated layoffs were largely expected so my questions were savvy and informed. “What is the organizational change?”, “Who will I no longer be working with?”, and perhaps fearfully, “What will I do if this change impacts me?” But when you expect layoffs, you never really expect the layoff to include you. It was a normal Tuesday, until it wasn’t.
As the meeting started, I quickly realized the layoff would include me. I began writing things down until I remembered, having been an HR Manager previously delivering this kind of news, all the information being conveyed would be sent to me later that day. So, I became mindful of the conversation; with the very intentional and deliberate words being shared. I became mindful of the voice, tone and inflection of the VP communicating details to me. And I became mindful of me; of my emotions, of my breathing, and of my thinking which now was loudly proclaiming, “I am being laid off!”. I was being laid off. And in that moment, I was fully present with the life changing impact of this decision vigorously disrupting 5- and 10-year plans with reckless force. It was a normal Tuesday, until it wasn’t.
It was not a normal Wednesday. When I woke early Wednesday morning I was confronted with every thought and behavior I knew was true for me. I wanted to seek the comfortable and normal patterns of a risk-averse, control loving, security seeking financial steward individual. But rather I became mindful of the deliberate and intentional words I was sharing with myself. The greatest freedom is the freedom to choose how I will respond to these changes in my life’s planned journey. I will lean into the awkwardness and ignorance that comes with not having done this before. I will seek to grow and learn with an intense curiosity, questioning from a new place of wonder and transformation. And I will largely embrace faith to see what is currently hidden from me.
The day I was laid off launched me into a new journey. Not only into a journey of self-discovery, but into a journey of new perspectives, new ways of thinking and behaving, and new ways of interacting with others. The day I was laid off will continue to create in me a desire to help individuals and organizations reach their full potential. The day I was laid off will renew in me my belief in a God who holds all my days with a secure and certain end. And the day I was laid off will largely be remembered as day that changed my way of thinking about Tuesdays and the way I think about every day.